


Wistfully In Love With You

by SilverMoonSky



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Episode Fix-it: s03 Chat Blanc, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Guardian Marinette Dupain-Cheng, Identity Reveal, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Ladynoir | Adrien Agreste as Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng as Ladybug, Love Confessions, Marinette Dupain-Cheng Needs a Hug, Mutual Pining, Post-Episode: s03 Chat Blanc, Post-Episode: s03 Miracle Queen (The Battle of the Miraculous Part 2), Rabbit Alix Kubdel | Bunnyx
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-23
Updated: 2020-10-20
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:28:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26056492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverMoonSky/pseuds/SilverMoonSky
Summary: Now that Marinette finally knew the way she felt about him, she couldn’t look back. She’d tried to scream at her heart to stop. She’d told herself it wouldn’t work out. But in the end, she’d fallen hard.And yet, despite the fact that she didn’t know what she could really do, Marinette knew only one thing when she’d realized she’d somehow fallen for her superhero partner: she could absolutely not tell him about her feelings for him.How could she? Their love had led to the destruction of the world; what would happen if he ever found out? What if he figured out her identity? Although Marinette didn’t want to admit he still had feelings for her, if there was even the slimmest chance. . . .She couldn’t let Chat Blanc happen ever again. If suppressing her feelings for him was the only way that would happen, then that was what she had to do.
Relationships: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug
Comments: 47
Kudos: 107
Collections: August 2020 - Exchange





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [NOIRequin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NOIRequin/gifts).



> This is for you, Noir! Your request was such a joy to fulfill; this is literally all my favorite tropes packed into one fic, haha. I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it <3
> 
> Thank you so much to [Maddy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fictionalinfinity/pseuds/fictionalinfinity) for betaing this, and for helping me come up with a title :)

Ladybug swung across the rooftops of Paris. She let her yo-yo lead the way as she leaped from building to building. The experience was freeing and relaxing, and Ladybug could feel her stress melt away as she went through every corner of the city. She relished in the way the wind blew against her skin, and enjoyed the burst of happiness that followed.

There was  _ something _ missing though, she mused as she continued zipping across the sky. She couldn’t quite place it—whatever presence it was, she knew it was important. The thought nagged at the back of her head, but she wasn’t quite sure what it was yet. Perhaps it was something small. Maybe her hair was tied the wrong way? Or she was using her yo-yo improperly? Or perhaps—

_ “Marinette!” _

The voice startled Ladybug, bringing her to a halt. She shivered as she landed on a rooftop and carefully surveyed her surroundings. Who was that? And why were they calling to her?

_ “Oh, Marinette! Come on out!” _

The voice chilled her to her bones. There was something about the call that made her feel. . . .  _ small,  _ almost. Almost as if whoever was calling her wanted to harm her. But that couldn’t be, right?

_ “Are you going to come, or am I supposed to come find you?” _

There was nothing friendly about it—in fact, whoever was calling her sounded very much the opposite of cheery and happy. The ecstasy she had felt earlier melted away, leaving apprehension in its place. She could describe the voice as nothing but ominous.

_ “Marinette!” _

Ladybug’s grip tightened around her yo-yo. Despite every part of her brain screaming at her not to go, and to stay here, she couldn’t help it. There was something about the voice that felt familiar, something that made her want to follow the call to the end of its trail.

It was almost as if whoever was calling her was who she’d been missing all along.

Ladybug started making her way towards the voice. Moving through the air no longer felt freeing; her movements felt sharp and urgent. Whoever was waiting for her may not have the best intentions—that was as clear as day—but at the same time, she couldn’t bring herself to turn away. It was now, or never.

_ “Marinette? Are you here yet?” _

She was within proximity of whoever the voice belonged to now. Now all she had to do was turn the corner, and hopefully, the person she seeked would be there.

_ “I hope you’re near, Marinette. It’s been a purrty long time since I’ve last seen you.” _

She felt herself shudder at the. . . . cat pun? That sounded familiar, but at the same time not.

Several minutes later, Ladybug landed on a rooftop with the only intention of finding out who the person was.

_ “Marinette?” _

She followed the voice and turned the corner of the rooftop she was standing on. Someone was sitting there. Their legs dangled off the edge of the roof with their back towards her, humming something under their breath. She cautiously took a step forward.

“Hello?”

The person didn’t turn around immediately. They instead flicked something that made the sound of a bell. Ladybug frowned. That bell sounded awfully familiar, and yet at the same time so different. . . .

They slowly stood. The dark shadows of the night masked who they were as they turned around and slowly started walking towards her. She nervously stood her ground, though her grip on her yo-yo tightened in case she had to make a quick escape.

That is, if she could even  _ bring _ herself to leave. Her heart thumped hard against her chest as they came closer, but as anxious as this person made her,  _ they  _ were what she was missing. Ladybug could simply feel it. She couldn’t leave without figuring out who they were, and why they were so important.

She took in a deep breath as they continued walking towards her. Through the shadows, Ladybug saw them lift their hand to their throat. The familiar bell sound rang through the air once more, sending more chills down her spine. She bit her lip. Clouds still covered the moon, preventing the light from shining through. Ladybug couldn’t see this person’s face yet, and it frustrated her.

_ “Marinette,” _ the person murmured,  _ “I’ve been waiting for you.” _

Ladybug swallowed. “Y-you have?”

_ “Oh, yes. I’ve been waiting for you for a very long time.” _

“Is that so?”

_ “I’d wait an eternity for you, my lady. You know that.” _

The voice sounded even more familiar now that they were closer, especially with the nickname slipping off his tongue—at least, she assumed the person  _ was  _ a he—but she  _ still _ couldn’t place it. Ladybug felt more warning bells go off in her head, but at that moment she came to a conclusion: she’d wait and see who he was before she decided whether she had to leave.

“Who are you?” she asked quietly. “And what do you want from me?”

He chuckled.  _ “Oh, don’t recognize me, do you?” _

Her heart pounded harder against her chest. “I—I know I’m supposed to know you. But I don’t. So who are you?”

_ “Well, that’s unfurrtunate. Here I am, waiting for you, and you don’t even know who I am.” _

She shifted uncomfortably. “I. . . .”

He was hardly centimeters away from her. The sound of the bell rang once again, and Ladybug held her back straight to keep herself from shivering. She was beginning to wonder why in the world she’d thought this was a good idea.

But it wasn’t like she could turn back now. Not when she was so close to figuring out who he was.

_ “It’s a shame, really. I thought you loved me, bugaboo.” _

“What?” Ladybug found herself frowning at the nickname. That sounded a lot more familiar than  _ my lady. _

_ “I thought you cared about me. I thought you’d be there for me. But I should have known.” _

He paused and stepped closer. His breath caressed Ladybug’s cheek as her heart rate sped up, but she couldn’t bring herself to move away. She stood still; her hand clenched her yo-yo as she kept her eyes wide open. Despite their proximity, she  _ still  _ couldn’t see his face.

“Known what?” she breathed.

The clouds that covered the moon slowly started to part, a sliver of light shining through. A pair of narrowed, icy blue eyes stared back at her.

_ “People  _ always _ leave, and you’re not the exception.” _

A hand suddenly skirted out, attempting to grab her wrist. Ladybug hissed and instantly leaned backwards, lifted her legs, and kicked him straight in the chest. The impact knocked him several feet back. She skidded away and held herself in a fighting stance. As the clouds shifted and the moonlight began filtering out into the sky, Ladybug realized who was standing in front of her, and suddenly, she felt like a fool for not making the connection earlier.

A leather suit covered his body. Cat ears stuck up from his messy hair, and a tail curled around his back. There was a bell resting at his throat, and when he grinned, canine teeth showed. This person was  _ familiar,  _ she  _ knew _ he was—

Only everything was the wrong color.

His suit was  _ white, _ not black, his hair not his usual messy blond, and his eyes weren’t the beautiful, forest green she’d come to know and love.

Ladybug gasped in shock, barely managing to choke out, “C-Chat Noir?” 

_ “I’m Chat  _ Blanc, _ bugaboo.” _

“B-but how? I-I thought that I—”

_ “Marinette.”  _ Chat tsked his tongue, shaking his head. He flicked his bell once more. The eerie sound rang through the air, causing her to shiver. _ “I told you, didn’t I? It was our love that did this to the world.” _

Ladybug took a step back. Tears threatened to spill from her eyes; she just barely managed to hold them back. “But I—”

_ “Our love did this to the world.” _

And suddenly, the scene was changing before her eyes.

Upturned buildings. A lifeless land covered in water and ice. People were statues that would vanish with a single touch. It was eerily quiet, solemn, and in it all stood Chat Blanc. He was in the middle of it, alone. With no one to turn to. With no one to care for him, with no one to love him.

_ “You’re a terrible Guardian, Marinette,”  _ a voice chided.

Ladybug whipped around. However, she couldn’t see anyone; she was alone in Chat Blanc’s realm. Her gaze darted from side to side in panic as the voices continued to taunt her.

_ “You’re not worthy enough to be the Guardian. You’re not worthy enough to be Ladybug.” _

The voices were a blend of Master Fu and what seemed to be the rest of the Order of the Guardians. Ladybug felt hot tears slide down her cheeks. She dropped to the floor, holding her knees tightly to her chest as she buried her face against her legs.

_ “How could you? How could you fall in love with him?” _

“I didn’t mean to,” she whispered hoarsely. “I—I didn’t think, I—I just—”

_ “Don’t you realize what’s going to happen now?” _

_ “Don’t you realize your love is what caused the destruction of this world?” _

_ “This is your fault, all yours.” _

Suddenly Ladybug was back on her feet, watching a disappointed Master Fu shake his head and slowly walk away from her. The ghosts of the Order of the Guardians were not far behind her old mentor. Ladybug called out to them, but it was to no avail; her cries went unheard, and they didn't turn back. None even acknowledged her presence as she waited and waited for them to turn back around, to let her know it was okay, that her  _ feelings _ were okay, that she hadn’t completely and utterly failed all because of an emotion she couldn’t help—

But they continued walking away. Away from her, away from the failure she was and the mess she’d created.

_ “I told you, didn’t I?” _

Every other scene disappeared, and she was back on the rooftop with Chat Blanc in front of her. There was a strange madness, almost insanity in his eyes as he stared at her. He let out a sigh. Slowly, he started walking towards her. She stepped away from him, but it was to no use. Chat Blanc backed her into a corner with a wall pressing against her back, trapping her there with no way for her to escape. Ladybug gasped. She looked up at him with trembling lips and watery eyes.

Chat Blanc simply stared back at her solemnly, with coldness in his icy blue gaze.

_ “It was our love that did this to the world.” _

With that he stepped back, and suddenly the wall behind her vanished. Ladybug’s leg slipped and she cried out, and soon she was falling and falling, back towards the ground with no one to catch her—

Marinette’s eyes snapped open. She woke up in a cold sweat, clutching her blankets as she attempted to bring her heart rate back to a steady pace. She kept her eyes trained on the ceiling and gasped, slowly starting to take deep breaths.

_ One, two, three— _

Lately, these nightmares had started to become a normal occurrence. They haunted her dreams; very rarely had she been having peaceful nights when she slept. She almost always was awakened by a nightmare, and once she woke up, she couldn’t go back to sleep. It always left her terribly tired the next morning.

_ Four, five, six— _

While she didn’t exactly know when they’d started to get more frequent, Marinette could tie these nightmares back to when they started. She knew  _ exactly _ why they began haunting her dreams. She knew  _ exactly _ what she’d have to do in order to make these nightmares stop.

_ Seven, eight, nine— _

The only problem was, she didn’t know how.

Marinette wiped the sweat away from her brows. This wouldn’t do; she was waking up from these nightmares nearly  _ every _ single night. Her sleep schedule was getting worse. Along with school, her design projects, and being the Guardian, she didn’t exactly have much time on her hands. Oh, and there were also her patrols with Chat Noir. . . .

She hastily stopped her train of thought as color flooded her cheeks.

_ No, stop it. You’re not going to think about him. _

She  _ really _ didn’t need to think about him with everything that was happening; after all, her nightmares were about him! Marinette couldn’t afford to think about her superhero partner in that way. She  _ definitely  _ couldn’t mull over the way he cared about her, the way he was always protecting her by taking hits, and the way her cheeks heated up in a fierce blush whenever she was around him. . . .

Marinette instantly snapped out of the fantasy her mind had begun to slip into. No, that wouldn’t do. She  _ really _ couldn’t afford to do that. She  _ really _ couldn’t afford to have feelings for Chat, not when—

_ Our love did this to the world. _

In an instant, everything about her dream came to mind: Chat Blanc, Master Fu and the Order of the Guardians telling her she wasn’t a worthy Ladybug, and destruction of the entire planet with a lone kitty sitting on a rooftop. He’d been all alone, without anyone there for him. Marinette couldn’t imagine how long he’d been there. The loneliness would have driven him insane, and the way he sang softly, the way he whispered,  _ “little kitty on a rooftop, all alone without his lady—” _

It was devastating. It broke her heart and tore it to shreds, knowing her kitty had to go through that pain.

Marinette may have prevented the timeline from happening once upon a time, and she may once have had hope that it wouldn’t happen again. But things were a  _ lot _ different now. She couldn’t trust that they wouldn’t happen again, because in the end. . . .

_ Our love did this to the world. _

She swallowed shakily, but it didn’t stop a small sob from escaping her throat. She clamped a hand over her mouth instantly. She silently hoped Tikki hadn’t heard her.

“Marinette?” her kwami asked sleepily. “Are you okay?”

Or not.

She turned her head so Tikki wouldn’t see the tears threatening to spill from her eyes. “I-I’m fine.”

Tikki didn’t buy it. She floated towards her chosen, instantly looking at her sympathetically. “Oh, poor thing. You didn’t have another nightmare, did you?”

Marinette desperately shoved her tongue to the roof of her mouth to prevent herself from crying. However, it was to no avail. Tears started to run in rivulets down her cheeks as she choked out another sob.

_ It was our love that did this to the world. _

Tikki comfortingly nuzzled against her hair, and Marinette let her tears flow freely. She let herself process all the emotions she desperately wanted to feel at the moment, burying her face in her pillow as she let out a muffled, frustrated scream.

The truth was, no matter how much she wanted it, no matter how desperately she wanted to seek Chat out and pour her heart out to him, no matter how much she wanted to tell him the way she felt, she couldn’t. It was as simple as that.

Because it was  _ their _ love that had done that to the world. They’d caused the world’s destruction. And while Marinette no longer knew the way Chat felt about her, she knew with all her heart that she loved him. She loved Chat. She loved her partner, her best friend, her soulmate, her other half—she didn’t know how it had happened, when or why, or how her heart had finally managed to make a place for her silly, pun-loving partner.

(In the end, all it had taken was becoming the Guardian and a few too many late night rooftop hangouts. Not that she’d ever admit to it, though.)

Now that she finally knew the way she felt about him, she couldn’t look back. She’d tried to scream at her heart to stop. She’d told herself it wouldn’t work out. But in the end, she’d fallen  _ hard. _

And yet, despite the fact that she didn’t know what she could really do, Marinette knew only one thing when she’d realized she’d somehow fallen for her superhero partner: she could absolutely  _ not _ tell him about her feelings for him.

How could she? Their love had led to the destruction of the world; what would happen if he ever found out? What if he figured out her identity? Although Marinette didn’t want to admit he still had feelings for her, if there was even the  _ slimmest _ chance. . . . 

She couldn’t let Chat Blanc happen ever again. If suppressing her feelings for him was the only way that would happen, then that was what she had to do.

It was why Marinette was currently shaking with sobs, why Tikki was comforting her softly as she willed all the emotions from her nightmares to go away.

Only they wouldn’t; she  _ knew _ they wouldn’t. Marinette had been having them for months now, and every single time they only got worse. With each dream her feelings only got stronger, because the constant reminder of realizing they were  _ wrong _ and  _ not supposed to exist  _ only made her heart feel even more rebellious.

And so her feelings grew. But unfortunately, there was absolutely nothing she could do about them.

It took a while, but eventually her sobs got softer. Marinette slowly let herself relax. She laid back and stared up at the ceiling, brushing away her tears.

“Marinette?” Tikki asked softly. “Are you feeling better now?”

She nodded, not trusting herself to speak at the moment. She felt a lot better after letting out all her tears like that, and yet. . . .

“Why can’t I tell him?” she whispered softly. “Why can’t I tell him I love him?”

Tikki was silent; she knew she couldn’t provide her chosen with the comfort she needed at the moment. As a result, her kwami stayed quiet. Instead she nuzzled closer against Marinette’s hair, hoping that it would reassure her.

Marinette’s eyes fluttered shut. This was how every night ended—she’d have a nightmare, Tikki would comfort her, and she’d drift back into a restless sleep. But just as her eyelids got heavy, loud vibrations suddenly caught her attention.

She shot up from where she was lying on her bed and grabbed her phone. She instantly groaned when she saw what it was.

“It’s an akuma alert.”

“At three in the morning?” Tikki frowned. “Hawk Moth hasn’t done that in a while.”

She sighed. “Eat up, Tikki,” she said as she watched footage of the akuma run on the screen. Marinette shoved all her emotions to the side for the time being. Despite the thought of seeing Chat making her insides churn, she knew she couldn’t afford to let her feelings get in the way. “This looks like it’s going to be a long fight.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you once again to [Maddy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fictionalinfinity/pseuds/fictionalinfinity) for betaing this chapter! I hope you all enjoy <3

Ladybug’s mind was nothing short of a mess as she made her way to the scene of the fight. On the one hand, she  _ knew  _ she had to fight the victim, capture the akuma, and purify it. But on the other hand, she really did  _ not  _ want to see Chat, especially after the nightmare she’d had.

However, there was no way Chat could defeat the akuma on his own; she had to be there, even if she didn’t want to see him.

And so Ladybug swung across rooftops. She made her way towards the Louvre, trying her best to keep her thoughts clear of a white-haired, blue-eyed boy.

It worked for a little while. She continued towards the location of the akuma, her mind focusing only on collecting as much information as possible. She saw people sleepwalking. They groaned and pointed up at her as she passed, though their eyes were glazed over. She frowned. 

Luckily, they didn’t come closer, but it was clear they were meant to keep an eye out for her. She nimbly dodged the sleepwalking zombies—more and more seemed to appear by the minute—and soon, the Louvre was in her sights.

But nothing prepared her for the tight feeling in her chest as she saw Chat up ahead.

_ Our love did this to the world. _

Ladybug swallowed and dropped down where he was standing in front of the Louvre pyramid. He turned towards her.

“Hey.”

“Hey,” she said back, her voice stiff. “Have you seen the akuma?”

Ladybug ignored the fact that once upon a time, their greetings would have been filled with warmth and playful gestures, like Chat picking up her hand to press a kiss to her knuckles, or affectionately calling her “my lady” as she retorted back.

But now? There was none of that. They were rigid as they faced one another, and they both only had one intention: to defeat the akuma and get out of there as soon as possible.

At least, that was Ladybug’s intention. She knew Chat would try to talk with her after the fight, just like he always did. He hadn’t understood why she’d begun to distance herself, but he certainly knew she didn’t want it to change anytime soon. She’d made it clear each and every time.

It didn’t stop Chat from persisting. It didn’t stop his constant questions, his constant worrying, and his ever-lasting stubbornness.

_ (That’s what you love about him, _ said the small voice in the back of her head.  _ You love how much he cares about you. You love how stubborn he is when he wants to support you.) _

(She ignored the thought.)

“The akuma’s a little girl, from what I’ve seen. She has a magic wand that she uses to sprinkle dust on people, and they wake up as sleepwalking zombies. If the zombies manage to touch you, they’ll force you to look into their eyes, and you become a zombie too.”

Ladybug nodded, though she winced at the thought of becoming a zombie. “Okay. Did you see where she went?”

“Inside the Louvre.”

“Let’s go, then.”

Chat looked like he was about to say something else, but at that moment more sleepwalking zombies began pouring out into the streets. Ladybug tensed and looked behind them. The zombies, with glazed eyes and arms outstretched, were quickly making their way towards them.

“Uh, what do we do?” Chat asked, warily holding his staff in front of him as they moved closer.

Ladybug paused and surveyed their surroundings. There was no way the two of them would be able to dodge all of the zombies without at least one touching them. But if they were able to escape by going  _ over _ them. . . .

Ladybug looked up. Sure enough, there were no zombies on the roof of the Louvre. She glanced over at Chat. He instantly seemed to understand what she was implying, and his grip tightened on his staff.

“Ready? Go!”

Ladybug threw her yo-yo towards the rooftop and wrapped the end around a pole. She gave a tug and was soon flying through the air. The zombies attempted to grab her but it was to no avail as she landed safely on the rooftop. Satisfied, she looked at the spot beside her—and promptly froze.

Where was Chat?

Ladybug turned around, her jaw dropping as she registered the scene in front of her. Chat Noir was surrounded by the zombies; everytime one came close enough to touch him, he instantly knocked them away from him with his staff. He spun in a circle as he continued to dodge them, and glanced up at Ladybug in panic.

“No!” she yelled, horrified. “We’re  _ not _ fighting them!”

“What?” Chat yelled back as he warded off zombies. “But I thought—”

“Get up here!  _ Now!” _

Ladybug watched in terror as Chat barely managed to dodge a handful of zombies by parrying quick strikes at them with his staff. Then, just before one was about to touch his shoulder, he put the end of his staff on the ground and extended it, lifting himself into the air. As soon as he was elevated, he lifted his staff over his head and used it as a propeller to move himself towards the rooftop.

“What were you thinking?” Ladybug hissed as soon as he landed beside her. “I didn’t tell you to fight them!”

“Sorry,” Chat said, wincing. “But to be fair, you didn’t exactly tell me what I was supposed to do.”

“I implied it! Why would I ever tell you to fight when there was an easy escape route?”

“I—” Chat broke off and let out a sigh, as if he wasn’t willing to argue with her on the matter. “Okay, yeah. That was my fault. I’m sorry.”

Ladybug swallowed, instantly fighting the urge to tell him  _ she _ was the one that was sorry.

_ Our love did this to the world. _

“Pay more attention next time,” she muttered as she looked away from him.

She and Chat weren’t that close anymore. They didn’t do their patrols together. They didn’t talk much during akumas. The last time she’d seen him had been days ago, and the last time they’d truly had a heart to heart? It had been _ weeks. _

Distancing herself was for the best, she knew that. 

But it didn’t make it hurt any less.

“What are we going to do now?” Chat asked. He didn’t look at her; not that she could blame him. She was being unfair, and he knew that perfectly well.

Ladybug surveyed the ground. All the zombies were huddled beneath where she and Chat were standing. They looked up at the two superheroes with dull eyes, but unfortunately for the zombies, they couldn’t reach them.

“You said the akuma went into the Louvre, right?”

Chat nodded as he inspected the ground. “Yup.”

“Then that’s where we’ll go next.”

Ladybug motioned for Chat to follow her. They walked along the rooftop, looking for an entrance that would help them enter.

“Over here,” Chat called. “There’s a window on the side here, and it’s unlocked.”

She walked over to him and said, “good. Let’s get this over with.”

The cries of the zombies below them were getting louder just as the two of them slipped through the unlocked window. Chat closed the window behind them as Ladybug glanced around. It was dark inside the Louvre; the lights were off, and Ladybug found she couldn’t see anything around her.

“Do you see anything unusual?” she asked.

“No, I don’t.” Chat paused. “I’m assuming you can’t see?”

She shook her head.

He was silent for a second before whispering, “okay. Here, take my hand.”

Despite herself, Ladybug found her heart racing at the thought of holding Chat’s hand. But she didn’t refuse the offer. He could see in the dark, and she couldn't. It was as simple as that.

She fumbled around until her hand found her partner’s. Her grip was light, as if their touch was delicate and fragile, and Ladybug’s cheeks instantly pinkened. She  _ really _ hoped her blush wasn’t as bright as she felt it to be.

“I think we’ll just have to go through the museum until we find the akuma.”

“Okay,” he said, “just follow my lead.”

And so she did. Chat was the one who tightened his grip on her hand and slowly started leading her through the Louvre. Ladybug just barely managed to keep her heart rate steady as they walked through the museum. She tried not to think about the way her hand fit in his, or of the way his presence made her feel so much calmer, so much safer—

_ Our love did this to the world. _

That was a reminder in itself of what would happen if she lost control.

“Ladybug?” Chat suddenly asked.

Unconsciously, she felt herself stiffen. “Yeah?”

“Do you want to talk about what’s bothering you?”

“Bothering me? What’s bothering me?” she asked hotly. Before Chat could interject, she snapped, “I'm fine, Chat! I've already told you that a dozen times.”

Although she couldn’t see him, Ladybug could almost hear the frown on Chat’s face. “No, you’re not fine. It seems to get worse every time I see you.”

“It’s nothing,” she insisted.

“It’s not nothing if it bothers you this much.”

She went silent, fighting back a sigh. This was how it went every time Chat tried to confront her about the issue—and each and every time, they always went in circles.

“Ladybug,” Chat said, trying again, “you’re distancing yourself. Our ability to fight akumas is getting worse because we aren’t working well together, and. . . .” he trailed off.

“And what?” she asked defensively.

Chat hesitated, before quietly asking, “Did I do something wrong? Is that why you’re avoiding me?”

Ladybug opened her mouth to rebuke what he’d said, instantly wanting to say,  _ no, of course not,  _ or  _ it’s not you, it’s me, _ or  _ it isn’t your problem, just forget about it. _

But instead, she remained tight-lipped. How could she explain that to him? How could she explain the situation without spilling her feelings to him? He  _ didn’t _ do anything wrong, of course; it was her. It was all her.

_ Our love did this to the world. _

_ She _ was the only one who knew what would happen. Falling for Chat had been easy, but she certainly wasn’t ready to face the consequences of her actions anytime soon.

When she failed to respond, Chat’s grip on her hand loosened. He stopped walking, tensing up. If she could see his face, she was sure it would’ve drooped, and he would look like a kicked puppy. Her heart clenched in an instant.

“Chat, I—”

Suddenly, the lights in the Louvre flickered back on. Ladybug gasped, blinking her eyes to get used to the sudden change. They were surrounded by dozens of sleepwalking zombies; it was just like it had been outside, however, this time there was no way to go over them. The ceiling was way too low for them to use their weapons like last time. The zombies began to approach them slowly.

On instinct, Ladybug moved closer to Chat. She found him doing the same thing. She took her hand out of his, and the two of them stood back-to-back, warily moving in a circle.

“What do we do now?” Chat muttered under his breath.

“Wait.” Ladybug continued to survey their surroundings; the zombies weren’t too close to them yet. In fact, they seemed to be moving slower than usual.

But why was that? Why weren’t they coming closer when they could?

“Ladybug,” Chat suddenly said, “look.”

Chat swiveled on his heel, turning them around so Ladybug was now in the place he’d been standing. She instantly gasped.

“Is that—”

“The akuma,” he confirmed warily.

The akuma was hovering above the sleepwalking zombies. She wore a long, dark purple robe that glittered with stars. Her face was painted white, and there was a dark purple mask on her face. In her right hand she held a wand, just like Chat had said she would. When she flicked the wand, dust fluttered out of it. It seemed to be the same dust that put people under her control.

The akuma’s gaze moved from side to side. Depending on where her gaze landed, certain zombies moved faster or slower. It was like  _ she _ was the one that controlled them, almost as if. . . .

“It looks like she’s mind controlling them,” Ladybug said. “Look, the zombies aren’t moving as fast as they did outside. It looks like she can choose the amount of control she exhibits over the zombies, and can get them to move in any way that she wishes.”

“Okay. Do you have a plan?”

The zombies were now merely meters away from them. The akuma still hovered in the air, though she was surprisingly quiet. Hawk Moth’s purple symbol flitted over her face.

“Ladybug and Chat Noir,” the akuma said monotonously, “give me your Miraculous.”

“I don’t think that’s going to happen,” Chat said, before fiercely whispering, “well? Do you have a plan?”

At this point, Chat would’ve already thrown out a bad pun and taunted the akuma. However, he didn’t do that. Another pang went through Ladybug’s chest as she remembered what they’d been all those weeks ago, before she’d started to distance herself.

_ Our love did this to the world. _

“Ladybug?” he asked again.

“Lucky charm!” Ladybug yelled, attempting to shake away her excess thoughts. Her yo-yo came back to the ground with a. . . . vacuum?

Chat glanced over his shoulder. “A vacuum?” he asked, bewildered. “What are you going to do, suck all these zombies into it?”

Ladybug cracked a small smile. It was nice to see he still had his sense of humor. She looked around them. The zombies were nearly in front of them at this point, and the akuma was still hovering over them. She flicked her wand back and forth as dust sprinkled from it. Suddenly, all the zombies stopped moving. Ladybug blinked in surprise and looked up at the akuma.

The little girl looked back at her, and she landed on top of one of the Louvre’s statues. “One last chance. The Miraculouses, or I’ll unleash these zombies on you.”

“Don’t activate your cataclysm until I say so,” Ladybug whispered to Chat. He nodded.

“Well? What do you say?”

Ladybug held the vacuum with both of her hands. She looked at the akuma, at all the zombies surrounding them, at the statue the akuma was standing on, and finally, at Chat.

_ Our love did this to the world. _

She closed her eyes briefly, sighing inwardly, before opening them again and looking over at the akuma.

“No, I don’t think we’ll be joining you,” Ladybug said.

The akuma growled. “Looks like you made your choice.” With that, the akuma flicked her wrist, and suddenly the zombies were unleashed on them.

They moved  _ fast. _ Within seconds they were hardly meters away from the two superheroes, arms outstretched and reaching out for them. With one of her hands, Ladybug gestured at Chat to stay in place while she held the vacuum tightly in her other hand.

Their past couple of battles hadn’t exactly worked in their favor; their nonverbal communication skills had been getting worse and worse with them growing farther apart, causing their teamwork to be a lot less effective. But hopefully, this battle would be different.

_ Our love did this to the world. _

She bit her lip. Why did that keep coming back to her? Ladybug carefully averted her thoughts, locking them away and choosing to only focus on what was happening in front of her.

“Okay,” Ladybug said, “I want you to use your staff and knock out the zombies closest to us.”

Chat instantly extended his staff, spun in a circle, and parried sharp, quick jabs all around the zombies. They didn’t put up much of a fight—the zombies instantly fell to their feet, causing others to trample over them. Chat continued to knock zombies off their feet with each one that came closer.

Meanwhile, Ladybug used the opportunity to scout where the akuma was at the moment. She looked up to see her sitting on the statue, observing them calmly. The akuma used her mind control to pick up the zombies that fell, making them get up and fight once more. She flicked her wand back and forth, however, not once did the akuma move from her place, even when the butterfly symbol flitted over her face and Hawk Moth spoke to her.

Ladybug’s grip tightened on the red-and-black spotted vacuum in her hands.

“Cover me,” she murmured to Chat.

Chat barely had time to respond before she suddenly leaped into the air towards the nearest statue. The zombies attempted to grab her feet, but it was to no avail. She just barely managed to leap onto the statue and gain balance. The akuma’s gaze snapped towards her.

“Do you  _ want _ to become part of my zombie army?” she hissed.

Ladybug didn’t respond, simply watching the akuma warily.

She shrugged. “Okay then, I guess you’ll be a part of it.”

The akuma got up and started making her way towards the superhero. She waved her wand around with the dust. Ladybug smiled; this was going just according to plan. Now all Chat had to do was activate his cataclysm, and everything would be perfect.

_ Our love did this to the world. _

Her breath hitched slightly as she looked down.  _ Why  _ did she keep thinking about that?

“Chat, activate your cataclysm!”

Chat glanced up at her. “What?” he yelled as he knocked even more zombies to the ground.

Ladybug glanced in panic towards the akuma, who was coming closer and closer. “Your cataclysm!” she screeched. “Activate it!”

“I can’t!” he yelled. “I need both hands to use this staff!”

Ladybug suddenly realized with horror that he was right. Chat  _ could _ use his staff with one hand occasionally, but not in this situation; the fight was simply moving too fast. In order to activate his cataclysm, he’d need to take his hand away from his staff for at least a split second. In that split second,  _ anything _ could happen. A zombie could easily touch him and turn him into a zombie, or even worse—manage to get a hold of his ring.

How could she have been so stupid?

What could she do now? The akuma was getting closer, Chat was entirely surrounded by the zombies, and the vacuum in her hands wouldn’t work part of her plan without Chat’s cataclysm.

Ladybug’s gaze flitted back to the akuma approaching her from across the room. She looked at Chat, and then at the akuma, and then at the zombies, back and forth over and over again, because her plan had failed and she had no idea what to do—

Chat suddenly gasped. Ladybug’s head swiveled back towards him. Her eyes widened in horror as a zombie made contact with his ankle, crawling and touching him with it. In an instant, Chat’s eyes glazed over, and he looked down at the zombie. The zombie looked back up at him, hypnotizing him, and all of a sudden Chat was under its control.

Ladybug clamped a hand over her mouth in shock, fighting back a sob. This was her fault. If she had been thinking straight, if she hadn't been distracted with her thoughts this entire fight, if she’d actually been responsible and hadn’t spent so much time thinking and thinking about  _ our love did this to the world,  _ she’d have  _ known _ her plan wouldn't have worked. Chat currently wouldn’t be like this, he wouldn’t be staring up at her with those lifeless eyes, and he  _ definitely _ wouldn’t be trying to fight her.

Ladybug turned her gaze away, not willing to bear seeing him like that. Sudden rage coursed through her. This wasn’t fair. This was all her fault, and Chat was the one paying for it? It just wasn’t  _ fair _ .

In an instant she made up her mind, and suddenly Ladybug was leaping at the akuma with her lucky charm in tow. She didn’t know how she did it, but soon enough, she was throwing the Miraculous cure in the air. The victim was deakumatized, and all the zombies—including Chat—turned back to normal.

“What am I doing here?” the victim muttered, rubbing their head in confusion.

Ladybug started making her way towards the victim just as some others ran towards her. They scooped her up into her arms—they seemed to be her family, so Ladybug let them be. Instead, she walked over to where Chat was.

_ Our love did this to the world. _

This was all her fault! Why did she have to keep thinking about that?

“There was an akuma that put you all under her mind control,” Ladybug said to the rest of the zombie victims, “but it’s all good now. You can go home.”

She and Chat watched as the people grumbled and started to leave. Pretty soon, they were the only two standing in the room. Chat glanced over at her. Instantly she knew what he was thinking.

“Ladybug?” he asked. “Can we—”

“I’m sorry,” she blurted out without thinking.

Chat’s eyes widened in surprise. “You’re sorry?”

“I didn’t properly think out my plan, and I caused you to get captured.”

“Oh.” Chat seemed disappointed, as if that wasn’t what he was expecting an apology for. “That’s okay. Everyone makes mistakes.”

Ladybug opened her mouth, ready to explain exactly what had happened and why she’d been so unfocused, when—

_ Our love did this to the world. _

She gulped, instead looking away from him. “Still. I’m sorry. I should have been more focused.”

He paused, before asking hopefully, “does this mean you’ll talk about what’s bothering you?”

“Chat.” Ladybug sighed, her mood souring immediately. “I already told you, it’s personal stuff. I can’t tell you.”

He seemed to be getting impatient. Ladybug couldn’t exactly blame him; the past couple of weeks had been exactly like this. Chat would try to get her to open up, she’d avoid all his questions, and then their Miraculouses would chirp, telling them they had to detransform—

As if on cue, her Miraculous beeped, signifying she only had three minutes left.

“Ladybug. Whatever’s been bothering you, it’s been affecting our partnership negatively. You saw the way we fought today, right?” Chat looked at her with pleading eyes. “This akuma wasn’t hard, but we  _ struggled. _ It wasn’t at all the way we usually work together. So please, can you just—”

“I  _ can’t _ tell you,” she snapped, losing her patience. “I told you already. This isn’t your problem. It’s  _ mine.” _

“But our ability to fight akumas is wavering because we aren’t working well together!”

“Then we should be working on fighting  _ harder.” _

“What, on our own?” Chat asked in disbelief. “You can’t possibly just say we need to work on our fighting harder if our teamwork isn’t working in the first place.”

Ladybug bit back a growl of frustration. Why was he always like this? Why did he have to be so difficult and contradict every point she said?

“Our partnership is  _ fine, _ Chat.”

“No—”

“We’re fine, I’m fine, everything’s  _ fine. _ Stop worrying about every little thing.”

If Chat had been impatient before, he  _ really _ was impatient now. Once again, her Miraculous beeped with another warning.

“How can I  _ not _ be worried?”

“Chat—”

“I just want to help you!” Chat said exasperatedly, throwing his arms up into the air. “Why won’t you let me?”

_ Because you can’t. This is my problem to deal with, and mine alone. _

But Ladybug couldn’t exactly tell him that, not without Chat launching into a rant about how she shouldn’t shoulder all her burdens herself. So instead of responding, she simply turned her back on him and started to take out her yo-yo.

“You know what?” Chat asked. His voice was suddenly weary, as if he’d lost the will to continue arguing with her. “Forget it. I’m tired of you constantly pushing me away, and I’m tired of always trying. If you don’t want to open up, that’s your choice. I’m sorry I keep trying to force you to.”

Ladybug’s heart clenched. Her grip tightened around her yo-yo, but she didn’t look back. She pressed her tongue to the roof of her mouth, blinking hard so the tears wouldn’t fall.

Behind her, Chat turned, took out his baton, and left without saying a word.

Their arguments didn’t normally end like this. Usually, they argued for a little while before Ladybug hastily made an excuse to leave.

But the way Chat had ended their conversation, the way he sounded so worn out. . . . something told her that this? The way their conversation had gone?

The damage that had been done was permanent.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve finally gotten around to updating this again! Thank you once again to [Maddy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/fictionalinfinity/pseuds/fictionalinfinity) for betaing this chapter! I hope you all enjoy <3

It was safe to say Marinette didn’t get much sleep after that mess of an akuma fight. Everything was still so fresh in her mind: her Chat Blanc nightmares, how she’d failed making a plan, and most of all, the conversation she’d had with her partner, where he’d told her—

_ I’m tired of you constantly pushing me away, and I’m tired of always trying. If you don’t want to open up, that’s your choice. I’m sorry I keep trying to force you to. _

The words rang through her head all day, and continued to pop up in her thoughts throughout the next couple of days. Soon enough, she was going in a cycle: she’d have nightmares about Chat Blanc, then her partner’s words would come to mind. It was all she thought about, and Marinette found she couldn’t make them stop.

She felt ashamed; Marinette  _ knew  _ she’d let Chat down by keeping secrets. She  _ knew  _ all he wanted to do was help her, because he cared about her. Because they were partners. It was simply the right thing to do.

But Marinette also knew  _ she  _ was doing the right thing. She had to be! Keeping her distance and avoiding Chat was for the best. Even if Chat didn’t understand  _ why _ she was doing it, he had to respect her boundaries.

And he did. Chat pushed, but never to an extent that made her uncomfortable.

She loved that about him. She loved how Chat was always there for her, and how he was always trying his hardest to make her comfortable. And yet, would it really hurt him if he just let her have some space?

_ (Yes. Yes it would.) _

The only thing she could do now was hope and hope for Chat to show up on patrols so they could spend time together—just like they had before.

It didn’t happen, of course. It  _ couldn’t _ happen.

Yet it didn’t stop her from hoping.

The end of the week came soon enough. After that late night akuma on Wednesday, the superheroes had faced two other akumas. Each time, Chat hadn’t stayed afterwards to talk, and he’d only said the bare necessity during the battles themselves. If Marinette thought their communication before was awful, now it was ten times worse. The akuma battles did not end quickly. Even the easiest of akumas took ages to defeat.

Needless to say, Marinette was a wreck by the time Saturday came. She was instantly dreading the day for one reason, and one reason only: it was the day she’d promised to let all the kwamis out of the Miracle Box.

“Marinette,” Tikki chided as Marinette nervously paced her room on Saturday afternoon, “you can’t ignore your responsibilities forever. You promised the kwamis in the Miracle Box you’d let them out today, remember?”

Marinette let out a sigh. “I know, Tikki.”

“Then what are you waiting for? Get to it!”

With no choice—and besides, Marinette  _ really _ didn’t want to argue with Tikki—she mumbled, “I’ll go get the treats,” before making her way downstairs towards the bakery.

Tikki watched worriedly after her chosen. She wanted to help, but knew that nothing she could do or say would comfort her in the way she needed.

A little while later, Marinette came back to her room with a platter of treats. Each kwami would be able to pick what they liked; she’d made sure to pick a variety they’d love. After placing the plate on her desk, she walked across to her room.

Marinette opened up the trunk where she’d stored all of the presents she’d made for Adrien all that time ago. The presents were still there, though they were no longer in the trunk for their original purpose. A pang shot through her heart as she looked at them.

Had it really been only a year since she let go of her crush on Adrien? Only a year since she’d decided to let him pursue Kagami? Had it really only been a year since she’d been named the Guardian? Only a year since she started to fall for Chat?

It felt like lifetimes ago, in all honesty.

Willing the memories to go away, Marinette pushed the presents aside and reached inside towards another “present.” She’d gotten a box and put the same wrapping paper on it that the rest of the presents had. However, this specific box contained something else very special: the Miracle Box.

Marinette took out that box and opened the lid. Another smaller box was inside it, one that needed a key. Marinette reached around her neck and slipped off the thin cord. A key dangled at the end of the cord; keeping it around her neck was the only way to ensure she’d have the key where no one else could find it. Marinette used it to open up the smaller box, and within it was the red-and-black spotted Miracle box.

She smiled as she took it out. She then closed the trunk and walked back over to her desk, placing the Miracle Box on top. Marinette gestured for Tikki to phase inside so she could invite the other kwamis to come out.

Meanwhile, Marinette worried her bottom lip as she thought about what would happen with the kwamis. There was no doubt they’d ask her where Plagg was—they had last time, and Marinette had promised she’d ask Chat to let Plagg come here the next time.

The only problem? She and Chat didn’t talk much anymore, and therefore she didn’t bother to ask him.

Marinette prepared the earful she was sure to hear from the kwamis as they slowly piled out of the Miracle Box with Tikki leading them out.

“Hi, Marinette!” they chorused. Most of them instantly made a beeline for the treats, though a few of the kwamis came up to her and nuzzled her cheek. Despite the nervousness she felt, Marinette smiled. It was always nice to spend time with the kwamis.

“Hi, everyone.”

“How are you, Master?” Wayzz asked.

“I’m good,” she lied. “And I told you that you don’t have to call me Master, Wayzz. Just Marinette is fine.”

Wayzz frowned. “That isn’t proper.”

“It may have been fine with Master Fu, but I’d rather be called Marinette,” she reminded him gently.

Wayzz looked like he wanted to argue—the topic of Master Fu was still a touchy subject for him—but at that moment Marinette heard other kwamis bickering from where she’d put out the treats.

“Hey! That’s  _ my _ treat!”

“No, it’s mine! I got it first!”

Marinette shook her head fondly. For being centuries old, the kwamis sure did act like children at times.

“Alright, settle down,” she said, looking over at the two bickering kwamis—Roaar and Barkk. “You two can share. There’s more than enough to go around.”

The two kwamis grumbled, but didn’t argue again. Marinette watched as some of the kwamis idly chatted with one another, while others munched on their treats. Additionally, the kwamis flitted around her room; they’d been inside the Miracle Box for far too long, and it had been a while since they’d been in Marinette’s room.

Satisfied they’d be able to handle themselves for a little while, Marinette grabbed her sketchbook and walked away to sit on her chaise longue. She kept one eye on her trapdoor in the unlikely event that her parents barged in. She  _ really _ didn’t want to explain why she had a bunch of flying, chibi-like creatures eating pastries in her room.

Marinette put herself to work. However, it didn’t seem like she’d be able to have time to herself for that long. Almost immediately after she took out her pencil to begin sketching, Marinette overheard the kwamis’ conversation.

“Too bad Plagg isn’t here,” Trixx idly commented as they munched on a treat.

“Yes, where is he?” Longg asked.

Mullo frowned. “Didn’t Marinette promise to ask Chat Noir to let him come?”

“Yeah, she did!”

In an instant, the kwamis’ gazes swiveled over towards her.

“Wheressss Plagg?” Sass questioned. “Did you assssk Chat Noir, Marinette?”

Marinette stiffened at the comment, her grip tightening on the pencil she was holding. However, she was spared from answering as Kaalki cut in.

“Plagg?” the horse kwami scoffed. “No, it’s better he’s not here. Plagg is too uncivilized.”

“He’s not!” Xuppu protested. “Plagg is fun. You’re just too stuck-up.”

“Me? Stuck-up?  _ Please. _ I just have exquisite taste.”

“You do not,” another kwami cut in.

“Of course I do!”

“No you don’t!”

“Even if Plagg isn’t here today, he will be tomorrow.” Fluff frowned. “Or will it be yesterday? Or maybe in another timeline. . . .”

“Shut up, Fluff!”

And in an instant, the kwamis were back to bickering.

Marinette sighed. Ignoring the pang that went through her heart, she turned her gaze away from the kwamis and glanced back down at her sketchbook. Suddenly, she didn’t exactly feel like designing anymore.

“What’s wrong, Marinette?”

She looked up to see Pollen hovering in front of her. The bee kwami gazed at her with wide, sympathetic eyes and a reassuring smile on her face. Tikki wasn’t far behind Pollen. Marinette instantly felt guilty at the sight. This was Tikki’s time to enjoy hanging out with her friends, and Marinette hated that she was taking it away from her kwami.

“Nothing’s wrong.”

“You are very clearly troubled,” Pollen said softly.

“It’s not much, Pollen,” Marinette said. “I’m just stressing over nothing. That’s all.”

Tikki gave her a sharp look. “It’s  _ not _ nothing, Marinette. How many times do I have to tell you that for you to believe it?”

Marinette was silent. She wanted to believe it, she wanted to believe in all of that, and yet—

_ Our love did this to the world. _

She swallowed. “It’s my problem. You can’t do anything about it.”

Because it was true, wasn’t it? Who else could prevent the inevitable destruction of Chat Blanc? The kwamis certainly couldn’t. Her friends and family couldn’t. And of course Chat, most of all, couldn’t. Not if he still loved and cared about her.

Marinette wasn’t necessarily ready to admit it, but she  _ knew _ Chat still had feelings for her, buried beneath all the composure he held. She always tried to deny it, always told herself it couldn’t possibly be true.

But the day Marinette had started pulling away was the day Chat had told her he broke up with his girlfriend. The day she’d asked him why he’d broken up with her, her heart quickening and speeding up all on its own, the day she’d just barely been willing to admit what was probably true—

_ “Why, Chat?” Ladybug whispered. “I thought you loved her. You could’ve made it work.” _

_ He hesitated the slightest bit before whispering back, “I don’t love her the way I want to. I don’t love her the way she wants me to.” _

_ Ladybug looked into his eyes, seeing his fresh, raw hurt. “But. . . . why?” _

_ Chat looked back at her. Moisture welled up in his eyes as he said softly, sincerely, “because I’m in love with someone else.” _

_ Ladybug’s breath caught in her throat. Her lips parted as she blinked slowly, taking in the information. Their gazes were still interlocked, but she couldn’t find it in her to avert her eyes elsewhere. _

_ “W-what?” _

_ “I’m in love with someone else.” _

And that was the day Marinette knew she couldn’t let it go any further. The day she’d decided once and for all that she couldn’t let them get closer. The day she’d fled almost immediately after Chat had revealed that, for the fear of what would happen.

Because what if that someone was her? What if  _ she _ was the one he still had feelings for?

It may be foolish hoping, it may be wistful thinking, but if it was true. . . .

She  _ couldn’t  _ let it happen.

“Marinette—”

“Tikki, it’s  _ my _ fault!” she said in exasperation, throwing her arms up into the air. “It’s  _ my _ fault for falling for him! I can’t do anything about it, and  _ you _ certainly can’t do anything about it either!”

The kwamis bickering suddenly fell silent. They shot bewildered looks in her direction. Marinette instantly clamped a hand over her mouth, realizing she’d been way too loud.

“Sorry,” she muttered.

“No, don’t be sorry,” Wayzz said in concern. He hovered towards her. “What’s the problem?”

“Yessss, what’ssss wrong?”

“Tell us, Marinette!”

“We can help!”

Marinette felt her pulse quicken with all the kwamis looking at her like that, bombarding her with questions. Her breath hitched. They all looked at her with wide, concerned eyes.  _ All  _ of them wanted to know what was wrong. They  _ all _ wanted to know what was bothering her.

Marinette’s grip on her pencil loosened as it fell out of her hands. She stared at all the kwamis blankly, her breaths suddenly becoming shallow.

They were worried about her. She knew that, she  _ knew _ she should tell them what was wrong, but her throat was closing up and she didn’t want to and she just—

“—Marinette! Breathe!”

Her gaze snapped up to see Tikki floating in front of her face, desperately trying to get her attention. Her kwami sighed in relief as soon as Marinette’s eyes focused and looked at her.

“Are you okay?” Tikki asked gently, quiet enough so the others wouldn’t hear. “I can ask the kwamis to go back into the Miracle Box if you want. They’re only trying to help, but I know it can be overwhelming sometimes.”

Marinette swallowed. She didn’t want to ruin the only time Tikki got to hang out with the other kwamis. “I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not. And you know it,” Tikki added before she could start to protest. “Really Marinette. This can’t go on forever. You can’t avoid the way you feel about Chat for the rest of your life.”

“I—”

“Marinette.” Wayzz looked at her. “I may not know everything you’re going through, but you can’t avoid something forever. It will catch up to you sooner or later.”

“This isn’t healthy, Marinette,” Pollen agreed.

Longg nodded. “Ignoring your feelings isn’t going to get you anywhere.”

Marinette glanced down at her hands, feeling shame rise up within her. She knew they were right, she knew she shouldn’t be avoiding talking about the situation, and yet—

_ Our love did this to the world. _

Loving Chat was easy. Surprisingly easy. Marinette had fallen for her superhero partner overtime; one moment he’d been her best friend, and the next she was suddenly acknowledging romantic feelings for him. It was the most exhilarating and scary feeling she’d ever experienced.

_ They were sitting side by side on the Eiffel Tower after patrol one evening. Just the two of them, alone with nothing but the moon, their thoughts, and each other. _

_ It was silent. Ladybug often found herself glancing towards Chat, waiting for him to say something, or for him to turn back, look at her, and give her that gentle smile he always did. However, none of that happened. He continued to simply stare out into the night sky. _

_ Ladybug tried to get his attention. She rocked her legs back and forth, fiddled with her hands in her lap, did  _ anything _ that would get him to just  _ look _ in her direction. _

_ But he didn’t. Chat simply continued to stare out at the sky. He didn’t glance towards her even once, instead taking in the beauty of nighttime in Paris. _

_ And so, Ladybug continued watching him. The way his eyes glimmered, the way his blond hair curled down messily over his face, and the way his lips shone in the moonlight as he pouted while looking up at the sky _ —

_ She found she couldn’t force herself to look away. _

_ “Chat?” she asked quietly.  _

_ He hummed. “Yeah?” _

_ Ladybug’s heart fluttered in her chest as he turned towards her, giving her a soft smile. She’d always loved that smile. She’d relished in the feeling of sheer affection that bloomed in her heart whenever Chat was around. _

_ (She hadn’t known those were romantic feelings at the time, of course. In her eyes, Chat was just a friend. A friend she’d gotten extremely close to over the course of her Guardianship.) _

_ (She didn’t know at the time how wrong that description was.) _

_ “What are you thinking about?” _

_ Chat was silent for a little while, and Ladybug was almost afraid he hadn’t heard her question. She was just about to repeat herself when he began speaking. _

_ “Do you ever feel torn between hurting the people you love and doing what’s right?” _

_ It was Ladybug’s turn to be quiet now. Was she? Was she torn between those two things sometimes? _

_ She was, all the time. When it came to her responsibilities as Ladybug over her family and friends. When she was forced to spend time fighting akumas instead of at family gatherings or helping her friends with something. Or with Chat, when she wanted to tell him things that she wasn’t allowed to, simply because she was the Guardian. Telling him and burdening him with that knowledge was just something she couldn’t allow herself to do. _

_ “Yeah,” she said quietly. “Yeah, I do.” _

_ Her “why are you asking” hung in the air unspoken. _

_ “I don’t know what to do,” Chat said, letting out a sigh. “There are people in my life I don’t want to hurt, but I need to do what’s right so I don’t hurt them even more.” _

_ Ladybug wondered who he was talking about. His father, perhaps? Some of his friends? Or perhaps. . . . his girlfriend? _

_ In an instant, a flare of what seemed like jealousy burned up within her. But that couldn’t be right. Chat was just her friend! There was no way that she felt that way, not when _ —

_ Oh. _

_ And that was when she knew. _

_ Those weren’t the only times she felt that way. She also felt torn over hurting people she loved and doing what was right when it came to Chat in other ways. Specifically, with his girlfriend. _

_ Ladybug had never liked his girlfriend, despite all the positives he said about her. But she’d always held her tongue, because it was the right thing to do. She didn’t want to hurt him, after all. She didn’t want him thinking she didn’t care. _

_ Because she did. She oh-so desperately did, but it was only now Ladybug realized those feelings had probably been out of spite. Out of jealousy. _

_ “Oh,” was all Ladybug said. Chat said nothing, turning back to looking at the sky. _

_ She’d come to a realization. Her answer to that question, the answer told her _ —

_ Chat wasn’t just a friend. Chat wasn’t just her superhero partner. He was so much more than that, because. . . . _

_ Ladybug  _ loved _ him. _

_ She’d fallen. She’d fallen for him  _ hard.

Marinette winced every single time she recalled the memory, and this time was no exception.

It hadn’t been a magical moment. It hadn’t come all “in her face.”

It had been gradual. It had taken her  _ ages _ to realize she actually harbored romantic feelings for Chat, and once she had, it was like a switch had been turned on.

With Adrien, Marinette had immediately known that she had romantic feelings for him. But with her superhero partner? It had snuck up on her, and she’d only realized when it was too late. When he’d had a girlfriend, and of course, was unable to be with him.

He’d broken up with his girlfriend soon after, but Ladybug had a whole other set of problems rise up. Specifically, Chat Blanc related. That was when she’d slowly started to pull away from him. He’d been hurt. He was  _ still _ hurt, unable to understand exactly what was wrong and why she was distancing herself.

_ Our love did this to the world. _

She  _ couldn’t _ lose control. She knew what would happen if she did.

The kwamis all looked at one another when Marinette didn’t respond, all of them seeming worried. Fluff was the only one who was unaffected. Instead, she seemed thoughtful as she cocked her head and stared at Marinette.

“The past is the past. It stays in the past even when it diverges,” Fluff said as she spun around in a circle. “The future is the future. It will change based on the present, and the present only.”

Marinette frowned. “Huh?”

“I think Fluff meanssss you need to let go of the passsst, Marinette,” Sass said.

Marinette just barely managed to hold back a growl of frustration. They didn’t  _ understand. _ They  _ couldn’t _ understand what was at stake if she lost control, because they’d never seen the alternate timeline she had.

“But how?” Marinette asked. “How can I forget about Chat getting akumatized? How can I forget about the destruction of the world? How can I forget that our  _ love  _ did this to the world? I  _ can’t, _ ” she said before anyone could interrupt, her voice rising in panic with each word that came out of her mouth. “I  _ can’t _ let it go, I  _ can’t _ forget about it, because I  _ can’t _ let it happen again.”

All the kwamis glanced at one another helplessly as she continued, her voice shaking as it dropped down to a whisper.

“I-I’d never forgive myself if I put Chat through that pain.”

“Marinette, it won’t happen again,” Tikki said reassuringly.

“You don’t know that,” she muttered. “You don’t know it won’t happen again.”

At this point, she was  _ tired. _ Tears no longer came to her eyes when she thought of Chat Blanc; instead, all that came was acceptance. She  _ knew _ what would happen. There was no point in crying over it when it was something she couldn’t change.

“You know what I think you need?” Tikki suddenly said. “I think you need to talk to someone.”

Marinette wanted to scoff. “Talk with who?”

It wasn’t like there  _ was _ anyone to talk with. The kwamis? They’d just proven today to be not-so helpful. Her friends and family  _ definitely _ couldn’t know about this, and of course, the last person she could discuss this with was Chat. Especially not when they weren’t on the best terms.

The kwamis glanced at one another, all seeming to come to a conclusion. Marinette frowned as Tikki turned back to her. There was a solemn look in her wide, blue eyes as she delivered the message.

“Bunnyx. You need to talk to Bunnyx.”

**Author's Note:**

> Join the [Miraculous Fanworks Discord Server](https://discord.gg/mlfanworks) if you’re a writer, reader, or artist! It’s a lovely community filled with even lovelier people <3


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